Friday, January 28, 2011

"Hot Pregnant Lady"

In one of these pictures Britney is hot, in the other she is pregnant. In the spirit of fairness and objectivity I have not disclosed which is which.

First, a disclaimer:  Anything any woman's husband has told her about how hot and beautiful she is while pregnant is absolutely true and should never be questioned nor his sincerity doubted. He is being 100% sincere. He sincerely wants you to believe that he meant it.

Everyone talks about how beautiful/sexy/hot women are when they are pregnant?  Why are we doing that?  We've seen women not pregnant and, um, yeah-  No contest.  Despite that fact, after becoming pregnant, many women who would  never even consider wearing shorts or a dress that didn't extend past the knee now feel the need to be photographed pregnant and naked because "they just feel so beautiful."    She has become a hot pregnant lady and apparently it is ok for hot pregnant ladies to post naked pictures of themselves online even though they have never posted hot not-naked pictures of themselves online in order for us to be able to compare.
Here is the thing, hot pregnant lady doesn't exist unless we are talking about a pregnant lady who happens to be out in the middle of Death Valley at noon in the middle of summer with no water.  

People argue "Guys have sex with women they think are hot and guys are having sex with pregnant women all the time so I guess your theory is wrong, Typing Bear, or whatever stupid name it is that you call yourself."

It's true.  Guys do have sex with pregnant women.
This is getting contentious so let's change the subject.

Have a look at this little picture here. It's hot, right?

Now close your eyes and think about the picture. Can you see it? Still hot.

What does that have to do with anything?
Nothing. I like that picture.

I, of course, do have a very hot wife, even while pregnant. She is so smoking hot when she is carrying my babies around in that big ol' never, ever unattractive baby-filled belly that I can't keep my hands off her (and not because pregnancy sized women are hard to avoid bumping into with your hands because of their size, this is totally sex related).  I never ever think she is not hot while pregnant because she makes pregnancy hot. I have never at any time suggested otherwise. I am so lucky. Believe me when I say I am being sincere. I couldn't be any more sincere even if there were a naked woman who I was married to in front of me right now and I was in a ten day pregnancy induced sex drought and, at this point, willing to bang a pillow that was shaped sexy.

What can we all take away from this? Everything is hot when you're horny- especially naked pregnant women
and pillows (just sexy pillows though).

Yes, she is birthing while grabbing a bear head. Coincidence? Hardly.

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