Friday, December 20, 2013

Commissioned work for comedian Aaron Woodall and ageless cycling phenom Mark Skarpohl

Ask and you shall receive is a saying I made up about meme drawings so when someone asked about them today, well...

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Tchaikovsky Texts Mendelssohn About Plans For the Evening, Talks Shit On Schubert

Mendelssohn's violin concerto in E minor performed by Janine Jansen

Tchaikovsky's Violin concerto in D major performed by Julia Fischer

Schubert's Unfinished Symphony (symphony no. 8 in B minor)

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


So the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a.k.a. the Mormons, known to the masses by any number of  wacky stereotypes, came out on their website to address specifically the reason blacks weren't allowed to be participating members of the Mormon church until 1978.

Growing up, the reason I was given was: "cuz God."

Looks like, though, the whole excluding black people thing may not have been God's idea after all. Instead it appears to be a classic case of "God was opposed to it, but everyone else was pretty on board with the whole racism thing, so we kinda decided to just go with it (the racism).  God will understand."

It was peer pressure all along.
That probably should have been my second guess, but it wasn't. My second guess was The Sound of Music, because we watched that every Sunday when I was growing up.

Here is the official thingy: Mormons explain: WE weren't racist, but everyone else was and we didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable and then here is just a good ol' fashioned news article explaining it.

Finally, here is this meme/letter addressed to the black people of the world from the Mormon people of the world that is pretty much official (I might have made it*):
*I made it. It was me. Happy now?

Tuesday, November 26, 2013


Here is the complete #YUCryingAtChurch list.
Do you have a favorite?
If you do, treasure it up in your heart and guard it with every fiber of your being.
Anyways, here's the complete list. The order is kind of backwards because of twitter and the fact I just copied and pasted it, but you'll figure it out.
and keep up the good work.

Dont thank me.Thank the people crying at church#tendermercies
@apartofrick: Thanks for your series  #ReasonsWhyPeopleAreCryingInChurchToday

Their trip to Disneyland
They drove
Their hotel room only had 1 bed. They'd asked for 2
It was hard

Why she doesn't have a cat now/a special cat she had before she went to BYU-Idaho


Went skiing last week and it was pretty

Thought they needed to buy new tire for their car but now they don't

Their family portrait is next to picture of Jesus in their living room

Children & babies (her words)

They were able to buy a new car

Because they were sick last Sunday but now they feel better

Because they came up here today
Saw a video they really liked

And those are the reasons people are crying in church today.
You're welcome
and thanks for tuning in
#YUCryingAtChurch #callmeTenderMercy

Went on mission
Loved watching church videos with people
They were funny
But also now I'm crying

And those are the reasons people are crying in church today.
You're welcome
and thanks for tuning in
#YUCryingAtChurch #callmeTenderMercy
Don't know why they LOVE being sad though)
They LOVE spending so much time with their family
(Spending lots of time with my family also makes me cry

Went on mission
Loved watching church videos with people
They were funny
But also now I'm crying
Read story they liked about married people

Wished they didn't get so mad at their spouse, but sometimes they do
Other people are crying
Made her cry too
Also some kids did some cute stuff the other day
Overcame a hard trial last week
Couldn't have pet in new place
Prayed hard.
Got note from Dr.
Get to keep pet now
Something about their Grandma

Reason not 100% obvious

She loves her grandma but she can't walk to church
They read scriptures and pray ALL THE TIME

Are VERY blessed. Spirit told them to let us know how blessed they are
Graduated from college!!!

Felt bad for people who worked hard, graduated with honors, but still don't know gospel
Went on business trip
Things were very expensive

Glad they're not so expensive here
California IS pretty nice though
Had promised self they wouldn't cry
Is now crying


That must be frustrating
#YUCryingAtChurch #brokenPromise
Fasten your seatbelts and grab your tissues because it's time for WHY PEOPLE ARE CRYING AT CHURCH!#YUCryingAtChurch

@SpenceRoper because she was up late, which she felt bad about, but then saw a spider over her pillow that didn't get her #YUCryingAtChurch

I tweeted w/out doing my research
I'm very sorry
Wont happen again
@apartofrick The midget is in the trailer.
Did he not make final cut?
And that's it.
That Ephraim's Rescue is a real tear jerker, but it doesn't have a midget. Tune in next month for more
Someone said "tender mercies"

No one has said tender mercies
I'm having faith crisis
There's line of kids now
They're not crying
They're ruining this for me
Stupid kids!
Appears to be emotionally/mentally unstable
Now talking about her time as sister missionary

Father recently passed away
Grateful for support from friends and family

(Hasn't seen Ephraim's Rescue)
Miracle was fav movie (miracle on ice- I like that movie too; also Gattaca)
Ephraim's Rescue is new fav
Opens with crying and "in the movie Ephraim's Rescue"
The rest- pretty hard to understand
Saw Ephraim's Rescue
Would have done the same thing(?)
Can't wait to go on mormon trek this summer
Loves scouting
REALLY loves it A LOT
Hopes people can stop being gay
They need to pray more...

And now he's crying
Saw new mormon movie
liked 17 miracles better, but still-

Can't understand why people come here illegally
Kids are out of school
Will be spending lots more time with them
Dealing w a lot of personal hardships (just divorced)
Misses being married
Can't understand why people are here illegally
Promised herself she wouldn't cry.
Is now crying
Can't keep promises
Needs to be better
First Sunday of the month, and you know what that means: People are crying at church. Stay tuned to find out why.
@SpenceRoper because she was up late, which she felt bad about, but then saw a spider over her pillow that didn't get her #YUCryingAtChurch
I blogged about church so hard today both of my hands and all 10 of my fingers started their own photography businesses.

"Promised myself I wouldn't cry"
(now crying)
Was reminded of time w HER fam at D-land. Is wonderful place
Loves family
@SpenceRoper Guy wasn't doing what God wanted him to. God took his first kid. Now doing what God says. #YUCryingatChurch
Loves America
Loves the 4th
Loves Jesus
Most people don't, especially our political leaders
But he does
He does
Trek ( #mormonstuff ) was amazing
Most people wouldn't do what they did today
(cuz roads & cars?)
Now knows real pain
Couldn't go on trek but took family to "favorite place" in CA
Grateful to live in a country "with places like that"
Can't wait for kids to leave on missions (hates kids?)
"Going to places like that are real tender mercy for his fam"
This #YUCryingatChurch was brought to you by Disneyland (apparently) and mormon treks (#mormonstuff ). I hope you enjoyed it and also cried

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 7 Jul
"Promised myself I wouldn't cry"
(now crying)
Was reminded of time w HER fam at D-land. Is wonderful place
Loves family
Mom whispering something to child
Child also whispering
Child looks uncomfortable
Looks at mom, says "stop crying"

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 7 Jul
Went on trek ( #mormonstuff )
It was great
Doesn't really like camping though
LOVES 4th of July

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 7 Jul
Has friend who went overseas
Now she can't watch fireworks (???)
They're loud
We all need to make sacrifices

Sometimes people cry at church for reasons't quite clear or reasons that are stupid. When that happens: #YUCryingatChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 7 Jul
RT @robgkent: Ancestors thought selves in UT, but was actually ID. Didn't want to be polygamists but were. It's hot lately #YUCryingatChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 7 Jul
RT @robgkent: Wind blew awning onto carport, deck, but neighbor ran to help. Was afraid of lightning despite assistance. #YUCryingatChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 7 Jul
RT @robgkent: Daughter is a missionary someplace hot. #YUCryingatChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper7 Jul
RT @robgkent: Sat up front but just loves boy who brought microphone so much. Got to know him on trek. #YUCryingatChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper7 Jul
RT @robgkent "Gosh we lost lots of people. But gosh, now we get to know some new friends." Also got new bishop. #wardsplit #YUCryingatChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper7 Jul
RT @robgkent:  Because ward split resulted in so few people but more kids, but loves everyone. Also, Young Women's Camp. #YUCryingatChurch
RT @bullsammy: @SpenceRoper  at church Once the dog was lost, and then it was found. #rufflife #YUCryingatChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper7 Jul
Ready for another exciting episode of #YUCryingatChurch ? Make sure you check out @robgkent who is making some compelling contributions now

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper6 Jul
If the song "Dr. Feelgood" had of been written about me today it would be called "Dr. FartsLots-then-feelsalittlebetter"


Driving the bus has done for me in comedy what performance enhancing drugs did for Lance Armstrong-

I lie all the time now.

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper5 Aug
Slept for 10 hrs
Now feel like super hero.
I look like one too, but one w excessive body hair and poor fitness so you'd never suspect it.

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Thanks people who came to watch me open @wiseguysutah this wknd.
Please do it more! This is boosting my self esteem considerably.

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Man angrily honking and gesturing at temple square parking lot because he wants to see pictures of Jesus RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Thanks for tuning in to another #YUCryingAtChurch
One guy technically wasn't crying, but he was prerty choked up. I feel it should count.

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Loved pioneer day
Pioneers great example
So glad they came here
Who knows where we'd be if they hadn't?
Loves pioneers!

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Snake got into house.
It was awful.
How did Eve take apple from snake? Lol
Love the sisters here so much

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Some kids were listening to bad music-
Couldn't feel spirit.
So grateful for beautiful hymns
Loves church w all her heart

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Feels like bad husband because wife works.
Wishes she could stay home
Has faith.

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Shared pioneer heritage w out of state visitors over the 24th
They drink coffee
Are still good people though

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Grateful for the brother sitting with his family taking notes and not looking at phone.
Great example
Great father

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Lady from China had dark heart
Now doesn't-
Knows gospel of Jesus Christ
China is very bad place

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
The Pioneers
Starfish story
Footprints in sand

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
Was excited for church because of new dress
Once at church, realized new dress not as important as Jesus
Jesus > new dress

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
And now it's time for #YUCryingAtChurch
Thanks for your patience. It's a virtue.

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper4 Aug
@spencerking phone battery not charged cuz @SethTippetts feelings got hurt & had to use battery to fix them. Thus #YUCryingAtChurch delay
#YUcryingatchurch will be coming to you later this afternoon due to phone battery issues. Thanks for understanding

These have all been great reasons for crying at church.
Thanks for liking, favoriting, nuts-
now I'm crying


Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep

High School is hard
stopped drinking caffeine
Friends rejected her
Feels spirit much stronger now
Parents being supportive

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep
World is evil
Satan is in Syria.The news lies to us.
Jesus will never lie to us.
Miley Cyrus is bad example

Mike Grover@MikeyGrover 1 Sep
Close family member died. #YUCryingAtChurch (am I doing this right, @SpenceRoper???)
Started reading new blog this week.
So uplifting.
Grateful for blogs???

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 1 Sep
Loves her kids
Wishes they knew their dad. He left.
Just got a dog
knows she's not perfect
Got tattoo
Judging is a sin

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper 1 Sep
Couldn't find favorite DVD
Found it next morning
Was in car
Grateful sun didn't ruin it

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep
Sad because immodest clothing
Has made lots of sacrifices
Parents don't control their children
Is filled w Jesus's love

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep
I have best husband ever
"Promised self I wouldn't do this (cry)"
I have best kids ever
Bought new car on Fri.
So blessed

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep
"My wife & I had amazing experience"
Kids were at grandparents
We missed them so much
Went2get kids
Best date ever

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep
Went to EFY camp
Sooooo fun
Grew so much
Saw unchaste dancing on TV
Felt empty inside
Turned off TV
Felt really good

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep
We're here at church today to answer the questions: What is s/he talking about? Why is s/he crying? Why am I awake? #YUCryingAtChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper1 Sep
#YUCryingAtChurch less than 2 hrs away. Looking forward to promising myself I wouldn't cry then crying while talking about The Lion King

@mormonstories I'm not telling you how to live your life, however I feel strongly impressed to invite you to read #YUCryingAtChurch tweets

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper9 Oct
If your twitter handle includes "mormon bishop" in it, I can confidently say YOU are what makes #YUCryingAtChurch the special event it is.

@MikeyGrover the reason they're crying at church is because they feel really bad about all the murder
@dm1_fan ur welcome. I try to make Sunday special for the folks who can't  make it to church. #YUCryingAtChurch is my little contribution.

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
flavor of month is "the spirit"
(Sounds delicious)
Hopes we can all try it
There's enough for everyone
#flavorofthemonth #YUCryingAtChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Had a spiritual feast
Has best husband in the world
He's perfect
Your kids aren't as special to me as they are to you

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Grateful for her children because they make her feel guilty#YUCryingAtChurch

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Loves Bro. K's testimony about flavor of the month he shared today
Loves general conference
#YUCryingAtChurch #flavorofthemonth

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Was sitting down
Didn't feel good sitting down
So now is standing up
Feels good

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Loves hearing kids crying at church
Is creeped on when the kids aren't crying

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Went to mtg
Told her to "live joyously"
Made her sad because she wasn't
Now she is though

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Loves his wife
"Isn't she amazing?"
(I wouldn't know. Not my type)

Spence Roper@SpenceRoper13 Oct
Loves being around kids
Jesus also loved being around kids
Is glad she gets to be around kids
Doesn't want to be a man
Can't understand women who aren't grateful to be women
Doesn't have a job
Didn't go 2 church last Sunday
Stayed home,watched TV all wknd
It was wonderful

I do that most Sundays,so yeah- I get it
People are about to start crying at church. I'm about to start telling you why. #YUCryingAtChurch
Thought parable of 12 virgins in bible would be something about a World of Warcraft campaign.
It's not though.

Thus concludes another #YUCryingAtChurch
From the crossroads of the west
Blah blah
Til we gather here again nxt month-
I'm Spence
*cue music
@PieperComedy yup. There is no other way.  It's very well thought out. That's why it's such a great idea.
@spencerking @PieperComedy I bet the dad IS Timm #scotttimmthorn
and addicted to porn.
Is grateful for a million things
But not for people who pretend to be your friends but aren't
(I know,right?)
Loves everyone here just like Jesus
Is a lot like Jesus
Didn't have dad w job like Jesus though
He lucked out there
Mormon missionaries love peanut butter
Mexican PB is garbage
Kinda like Mexico.
Loves Mexico
Watch out for Satan
family read story about never sinning
Not even once!
All signed pledge
It's great
Now they don't sin!
Was very good idea
Enjoyed regional conf. last Sun. #Mormonstuff
Lots of kids were being noisy though
Couldn't hear
I'm old
Kids these days
God is in charge
Obama thinks he is in charge
but God is
I'm a dad
But here's the thing
my 2 kids are really my sister and brother
I know that sounds weird
But hear me out
Saw missionaries
Gave them some water
They were nice
"Don't know I'm telling you this"
(Me neither)
Loves coming to church
Grateful for parents who tell their kids to say the same thing as all the other kids at church
They're so brave
Kids kids kids
parent claiming no responsibility soon
They do say cute things
But also all the same things
Any guesses what?
OUR home is so blessed
We don't watch tv
I see everyone watching tv through their windows
I feel so bad for them
And there's the kickoff! Look at all those people getting ready to cry for bizarre reasons. Looks like a great day for #YUCryingAtChurch
Today #YUCryingAtChurch returns. Just letting you know.

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