Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Doctors...they save lives!

Doctors do so much. If anyone doesn't appreciate all they do for us, please take a moment and remind yourself...

Monday, February 7, 2011

6,519,702nd. Stop Judging ME, Hipster!

Somehow 6,519,701 people saw this before I did and not one of them thought to pass it along to me...I guess they thought I was happy enough already, but now, knowing that this has been out there and I wasn't enjoying it, thinking about all that time I wasn't able to think about it and giggle and be happy...Now I am sad (crocodile tear). This youtube video should cheer me up, even if I am the six million five hundred and nineteen seven hundred and second person to watch it (most hipsters won't even think about looking at an online video if it has been viewed more than 100 times- so I am getting hipster judged right this second). Getting hipster judged is the worst. It's like getting homeless alcoholic judged, but way more annoying.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Learn to Harness the Power of the Dark Side FROM HOME!

Constantly looking for ways to improve myself and gain the ability to electrocute my enemies with lightning bolts shot from my fingers, I have been listening to the self help audio series:

Giving Win: How Giving in to the Dark Side of the Force Helped Me get My Confidence Back and Build a Battle Station Capable of Destroying a Planet and Ruling the Galaxy

Looks like it's working I would say.

Get your copy today! Remember, each day you put it off is another day you are unable to punish those who oppose you with the power of the dark side.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Great news for porn analogy addicts!

Don't fight it. Hide it!

Apparently, like porn, If Bears Could Type, is the internet website you secretly love, but publicly deny having ever seen... ever & later lament with your friends the plight of those who keep coming back to it day after day.

"Well, she started going to that website blog, the one with the bear, and well, you know how that story goes. It's so sad..."

Has your aversion to public shame kept you from clicking "follow"? Well, now you can follow it without having your name and picture posted all over creation. That's right, no one has to know about your character destroying habit of viewing whatever content has been posted on ye ol' typing bear blog while you still receive all the fantastic benefits of being a not-proud-in-any-way follower of it.

Your welcome, junkies.

RIP 'Your Followers' widget.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I heart pandering

Dear Marketers,
Please pander to me.
P.S. have kids, love Star Wars (original 3 only)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Things to remember on Wednesday...Especially if You're a Groundhog and It's Groundhog's Day

The groundhog hesitated just for a moment, as if there were something important he were forgetting. He quickly glanced around his burrow hole, looking for any visual cue that might trigger his memory, reminding him of any pertinent detail he may have overlooked, then shook his head in disgust.
"Come on, man. You're a groundhog. It's groundhogs day. Get out there and look for your shadow," he said to himself as he straightened his fur one final time before marching up to the burrow entryway and defiantly sticking his head up into the daylight.

The groundhog's eyes were still adjusting to the light when he suddenly remembered he had forgotten something. It actually wasn't the squinting as much as it was the teeth in the wolf's mouth now clamped on his head that served as the actual reminder.
"Wolf shirt Wednes..." he began to cry out, but was cut off by the other wolves that had now also latched onto him.

Had it been any other day of the week, the day's events would have played out quite differently for the groundhog, but this wasn't any other day. This was Wolf shirt Wednesday so, lesson learned...forever.
The End.

It's Groundhog Day!

"Why would anyone steal a groundhog?"
"I can think of a couple reasons...pervert."
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