Thursday, February 23, 2012

Mother Pucker Face...Just Like Mom Used to Make: Feeding Habits and Food Preferences for Bears

People are always coming up to me and saying things like "You're a bear, right?  What is your favorite thing to eat?"
I suppose it is time to answer that question.
I love berries. Hold the pee, though.  Seriously.  I will eat nothing but berries, 24/7, but if you bring me a pee berry, the deal is off.  I have this uncle, Uncle Growly, and if he finds pee on his't pee on his berries.  Just a friendly tip from me to you.
Anyways...when I'm not eating 100% urine free berries, I like to eat a bear delicacy called rawrrr grrr rar rar GrraARRR grarr which  basically translates to pucker face (it loses a little in translation, i'm not going to lie, but you get the idea).
I went to a bear recipe blog and pulled a few fun, delicious, and easy to prepare/catch pucker face examples I wish I had IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW.  Pucker face is the best!

Pedi-pucker face
This one is good because you can usually catch it online and have it come to you.
That looks so good. Hopefully that is apple orchard fragrance hair gel.
Sometimes pedophiles use Axe  hair gel and although I don't hate it, it gives me terrible gas

Pucker Face a la Roofie
This is great because of all the different possibilities. 
Prepared correctly, you can do whatever you want to it.
I would totally hit that...with my paw, rendering it unconscious, then I'd get as much of it in my mouth as I could
and then just chew and swallow, chew and swallow.
Sometimes how much you enjoy pucker face is dependent on HOW you eat it.
Oh man!  I love pucker face so much.  That with a side of berries.  Yes please.  I would totally be in heaven.

Asian Pucker with Mystery Marinade
a.k.a. A Part of Him, Sneaky Uncle Trent Puckin Pucker, 
Lonely Pucker Special
It's an acquired taste. I'll just say that.
I've actually had a part of him in my mouth but he was marinated in something,
I think it was scotch...or possibly urine, but I didn't finish it.  Just wasn't for me.
Asian bears though, I think you know who I'm talking about...cough cough Pandas...
They can't get enough of this Pucker Face.  They have a whole website dedicated to eating it.

Pucker at Your Own Risk
Watch out for questionable pucker face.
My best friend's brother's uncle, a black bear from Wyoming, got hepatitis C
 from eating some pucker face like this that he bought from a street vendor
while attending a Bears in the Workplace Convention for his work as an HR associate manager.

If you're wanting to put away some serious pucker face in the ol' bear belly or just want to try all 33 varieties of pucker face and don't mind the geriatric crowd, I'd suggest:

Puck-A-Rama Pucker Face Buffet
from the menu:
If you choose this option I highly recommend
 the Puck-A-Rama Maul 'em, Munch 'em Brunch. Yum! Pucker Face Buffet Brunch It's every Tuesday and Thursday from 10 am-1 pm.
 If you love brunch, buffets, and pucker face you are really in for a treat.

Puck-A-Rama Pucker Face Buffet. All 33 varieties of pucker face all day everyday
and remember, Monday night is family night and on  Family night

What? It's medicinal.  It's for my glaucoma...obviously. Sheesh.

There a few things commonly mistaken for pucker face which are NOT. Don't feel bad if you have already confused one or several of the following examples with pucker face.  It's certainly happened to me more than once.

Oops. NOT pucker face.  Don't feel bad. Like I said,  it's an easy mistake to make.

I should warn you, the following photo is probably not suitable for children.

ER face got mixed up with pucker face quite a bit 10-15 years ago but is much less common now.
Most children today wouldn't even know they had this option to confuse with pucker face, so why
show it to them? It's just one less thing they will accidentally mistake for pucker face.

"Oops, I did it again," sang the greatest artist who ever lived.  Hey, it happens.
Did you know there is a statue of Britney Spears giving birth on a bear rug? Well, there is.

...and finally

Make sure you always have your insulin ready in case of a mix-up, diabetics, because you can never be too safe, right?

So, to those people I mentioned earlier, who wondered what my favorite things to eat were, I guess my short answer would be: berries and pucker face, unpeed on.
Thanks for asking.

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