A Prostitute, A Slut, A Lawyer, Some People On Birth Control, A Sex Tape, and Some Homeschoolers...oh yeah, also some "Mormons" and Rush Limbaugh

I wrote this after Rush Limbaugh "jokingly" referred to Sandra Fluke as a slut for advocating birth control coverage by health insurance providers. That Rush Limbaugh is a classy guy. I should know, because I'm also a super classy guy and it takes one to know one I guess.

In an attempt to more deeply connect with the extreme right wing conservative homeschooling crowd it is possible that Rush Limbaugh has, much like homeschooling, severely ostracized himself from every other person in the United States.  

When Rush Limbaugh said that third year Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke was a “slut” and a “prostitute,” one could argue that he was accurately calling all future lawyers sluts and prostitutes. Rush took it one step further, however, taking a page from the homeschooling book, when he chose to ignore basic social cues and reveal a vast abyss of ignorance by saying  Sandra Fluke wasn’t a slut and prostitute because she wanted to be a lawyer, but because she advocated the use of and coverage for birth control.  Oops.

So here’s the thing.  It’s possible that I may be intimate with...I mean intimately familiar with some individuals with some pretty hard core conservative values that a lot of people would call downright wacky.  Let’s just call this group of people “Mormons” in order to protect their anonymity and prevent people from jumping to any early conclusions.
I’m talking about a group of people who don’t drink coffee, don’t smoke, like to sit in church for hours on end...I mean seriously, it is out of control with these people.  Some might go as far as saying these people are “boring as shit”, “bat-shit crazy”, “mean as shit to gay people” and  “offended by the word shit”  and I would be reluctant to disagree.  Also, they love themselves some Rush Limbaugh...or at least they used to.  

One thing I don’t think you will hear said about these folks I’ve chosen to refer to as “Mormons” is how “slutty” and/or how replete with “prostitutes” their congregations are, despite the fact that they along with millions of other conservative Christians use birth control and contraceptives everyday.  It turns out, married people use birth control that is covered by their insurance because they want to bring children into the world according to plans they have made previously that are conducive to the aforementioned children having a structured, constructive upbringing that allows them to reach their full potential.  It turns out these types of people don’t like being called sluts and prostitutes.  They also don’t like big government, taxes, people that aren’t white, porn, and the list goes on and on...and would now seem to include Rush Limbaugh.

Oh yeah, did I mention they don’t typically publicly advocate watching porn and especially tend to eschew publicly soliciting specific individuals to create it for them, which makes the move he took from the rich, powerful asshole-that-you-don’t-say-no-to playbook interesting.  His follow up statement to only sluts and prostitutes use birth control was as follows: “If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something for it...We want you to  post the videos online so we can all watch.” Now if I’m not mistaken, Rush just called my wife a slut and a prostitute and then demanded that since our insurance covers our birth control that we are expected to post sex videos online so everyone else can watch...This is borderline offensive to me, and I LOVE porn, but remember that extreme group of people we’re referring to as “the Mormons.”  It’s so far over the borderline for them that Spanish is the official spoken language in the offensive category region where his comments landed.

Now, Rush,  when you say post our sex tapes online “so we all can watch ” you mean just the people who are paying into the same coverage plan as my wife and I are, right?  So maybe, Blue Cross should provide a webpage for everyone to post the required sex tapes online so they can keep their birth control coverage?  I like that idea.  I’m a big fan of amateur home made porn.  Here’s the kicker.  My wife is definitely not cool with this plan...and remember those people whom we’ll just call “the Mormons?”  Well, they fucking hate it (their exact words...more or less...more on the less side, I guess).

Now Rush did issue a heartfelt apology (because his heart felt that he was suddenly losing a lot of money), which kind cheapens everything because of, ironically, doing it for the money.  That’s what some people might call a prostitute apology, but I’m not one to judge.  How could I be.  My wife and I use slutty, prostitute-ey birth control so we’ve got NO right to be pointing a finger at anyone.

In summary, I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I didn’t realize that homeschoolers were so into porn.  You learn something new everyday.

Some "Mormons" discussing Rush's birth control propositions